But It Isn't Easy

I’ve been letting Youtube play.  I started with some Dolphy a few days ago that led, itself to Mingus.  And then I was with Mal Waldron again.   Nice to see him.  It must have played last night for a while, silently on mute, after I went to bed and this morning its an old Jimmy Smith album that is asking if I want to play it.  Yes.  I do.  It’s nice to reconnect with Jimmy and his Hammond Organ.  It’s punchy, as he can be.  I turn it down a bit so I can get to work.

Once again up earlier than usual.  It’s 2:00AM.  I know I will pay.  The debt will be due at an inconvenient hour I suspect.  The claws of oblivion will begin their climb, into my shoulders right around the time I have a call, at 9:00AM, I suspect. For now, there isn’t a trace of sleep anywhere.  I’m up, I drink water.  I meditate.  I consider emails.  And I notice that I have not, oddly been reading very deeply into the paper.  This for the last few weeks.  I’m not sure what the cause of this is.  Perhaps its’ the subconscious reaction to the Mueller anti-climax. 

Now I am back in Shanghai.  I am fifty-two floors above the city with the same view I always have when I come, down into the old race track of the People’s Square.  The flight wasn’t bad.  I brought candy:  The Lonely Planet Egypt which I’ve had since last summer but now must begin to use.  Abu Simbel, Luxor, Alexandria, mesmerized as I consider the journey and what it might be like.  There is tall western man sitting next to me on the plane.  When I checked in the middle seat was still free, but no such luck.  We are polite with one another, but it isn’t easy. 

I was disciplined enough not to finish the shaobing on the flight.  I knew it would be coming.  It came.  I asked, shaobing?  Even though I knew it was a shaobing.  I shouldn’t have opened it but I only ate half.  Now, in my room in the Meridian there is a large five inch by five-inch brownie in a box behind me with other cookies.  They always put these brownies in the room when I check in.  If I take a nibble, I’ll eat the whole brownie brick.  I’m trying to turn around and consider it.  But I will.  Pull on the complementary bottle of water.  That’s better.

Thursday, 04/04/19