It’s Never Warm There

“Eyes behold.  I see a cloud following you.” So sang the Bassies and my day starts out like the title track from that Studio One recording.  I give a call to someone in the U.S. and cannot reach him.  This is going to require all of my attention now.  The cloud follows me to the gym and remains there with me on the stair master, at the chest press.

We have a meeting around noon with my older one’s school counsellor.  We are talking colleges.  She has added a school in the U.K. to the list.  I’m busy.  This is important.  I’m inclined to dismiss this suggestion with a wave of my hand. The counsellor patiently explains that schools in the U.K. are very good for students who already know what they want to focus on.  “Yeah, I pretty much know it’s psychology” she offers.

We have discounted schools in other parts of the United States because she wants a place that is sunny.  Now we’re talking about the U.K.?  “The entire place is cloudy all year long.” I want to yell out.  I know I should not.  We start talking about the University of Bristol.  “That’s in the south.”  I can’t help myself: “I did my undergraduate thesis about Bristol.  Come on.  It’s never warm there.  There’s no sun.” 

It’s not about me.  It’s not about me.  We discuss the U.K. application process a bit longer.  I’m realizing just how thin the threads are that tie her to the U.S.  Finally I say what I wanted to say, about specialization: “We all thought we knew what we wanted to do when we were seventeen and it had nothing to do with what anyone in this room ended up doing.  A small Liberal Arts schools is that it’s a gift.  You get to go and not know what you want to do.  That’s the whole idea.  You get to consider lots of different possibilities without any pressure to know what career path you’re on.  There’s plenty of time to focus later in life.  We’re offering up gallons of blood baby, despite the cost, so you don’t have to go to a trade school . . .” 

I’m wound up today.  Relax.  I relax a bit as we consider the messaging on this and that liberal arts school in the U.S.   I imagine her off in L.A.  Off in Baltimore.  Visiting her in Portland.  I imagine her going through the U.S. acculturation process I always imagined she would go through in a U.S. college rather than in Cardiff.  It’s not my journey to relive though.  My days of offering meaningful guidance are drawing to an end.  The teacher points out that the school she has added to the list was founded by the Jesuits.  I nearly draw blood trying to bite my tongue.  She’ll be O.K. whatever she decides.  She really will.

Tuesday, 03/13/18