They Savour Their Grumble

I have guests.  Those of you who are Americans may have a quaint sense of what that means.  “Hey, welcome.”  “Mi casa . . . ” The obligation, the modest obligation, is noted.  In my host civilization however this notion is rather more significant.  Guests and hosts have all but religious significance in Confucian thinking.   You should be a good host. This is widely understood.  The burden is on the host to welcome the guest.  Otherwise you are nothing but a “small man.” 

We hopped in a cab with an older Beijing cabbie.  He drove off down the road and then began to suggest that the people in the back seat were too big.  One of the guests was rather tall.  This was a safety violation.  He complained as he drove forward.  In this context I humored my cabbie and said:  “Sir, you are our host, please be polite.  It will be OK.”

As often happens with these perennial hosts, the hosts who are fated by geography to have been hosts for the last thousand years, whether they want to be hosts or not, the people of old-Beijing, they make a sport of grumbling.   They savour their grumble, chewing all the juice out of it.  “Well, who talks about hosting when safety is at stake?”  “This is a fair point my friend, but you have already taken the fair, you have already driven off.  Let’s be polite and welcome our guests like a good host.  This is their first day here from the U.S."

He raises his voice.  I raise my voice.  “Oh, I’ve had enough of Americans.  I don’t want to deal with them any more.”  He’s kidding.  He’s not kidding.  He's trying to lacerate me, in kind.  I continue:  "You know, in Confucian thinking, a good host makes his guests feel welcome.  You are making these people feel that the people of Beijing have a low civilizational level.  In fact China has a remarkable cultural level, but your behavior suggests otherwise.  Slighting their country is beneath you as the host from the capital.  These are things you already know sir.  You already know this.” 

He absorbs this.  I absorb this.  We both resort to being quiet.   The people in the back want know what just happened.

Thursday, 9/28/17