Absorbed in a Sullen Exhaustion

Is there a book like Father’s and Sons in Chinese literature?  Would it have been blasphemous that the son so brazenly disregards his parents in nineteenth century China?  Would it be held as shocking or just human to watch Bazerov coldly tell Vasily Ivanovich that he’s leaving so soon, after his first visit in three years?  To watch him be such a rude guest and lure Arcady his friend to be rude to his parents as well?  Bazerov’s parents are heart broken and solemn when he heads out the next morning.  They try to act normal, try to summon steely resolve.  Arcady is moved and we are moved but Bazerov the Nihilist, shows nothing.  He wants to get back to his experiments on frogs. 

I read this to my younger daughter, who considers the pain of the parents.  She offers that it’s a good thing that we visit my parents more often than every three years. I wonder if she’ll subscribe more to her mother’s Confucian tradition of responsibility or her father’s Western ideas of freedom.  The position looks very different from the view of a teen than from that of a parent.

My older one is tired.  School seems to be wearing her out.  “How was scho . . . What classes did you have toda . . .”  The comments are absorbed in a sullen, exhaustion that deadens repartee.  “Oh.  I see.  OK.  You’ve got a ton of homework then.  OK.  Let me know if I can work on it with you.”  I’d like to think I’d be helpful.  I could offer comments, and insights, and help to rewrite things.  I’d do so willingly.  We could connect.  But my gesture is just one more impediment, I suppose, before being done.  I’d have opinions.  You’d have to train me. 

The little one is on edge.  School seems to be grinding her down as well.  There’s a big project due.  “No.  I don’t have time.  I have to get it done.”  I’m busy all the time. My wife’s busy all the time.  I guess they pick up on the busy, assembly-line vibe around the place where we are all “cranking” all the time.  I’m not sure I ever properly paused to consider the mechanical origin of that verb.  I feel like I can “take it.”  Perhaps I “give it” in much the same way.  Certainly, I legitimize it and normalize it.  The families of Turgenev are drifting apart, but they certainly didn’t seem busy. 

Monday, 03/19/18