Tuesday, September 2, 2014

All the Smart Genitalia




Well, a bit of nostalgia this morning.  Sitting here having very bad espresso from the “Kiss and Bake” coffee shop off to my right.  A shot of espresso is twenty-two kuai, which is reasonable.  And a double shot isn’t on the menu and so the two ladies reckoned this would be fifty-four kuai, which is absurd.  I tried to explain the logic of adding shots to two women who never have and never will drink coffee.  I offer the comparison of Starbucks pricing, where in a double shot is nineteen kuai and you add four-kuai to every shot thereafter.  They look at me incredulous, like this must be some kind of a scam.  Sitting here with my nine-dollar cup of dishwater, watching all the travelers come and go, this is not what I’m nostalgic about. 

Rather, I’m waiting in Beijing Capital Airport’s Terminal Two.  Last night I headed to Terminal Three, the gleaming manta-maw of modernity in the pouring rain.  Expectations were low for an on time departure and they plummeted for any departure at all, when the thunder claps sounded.  I called my friends at CTRIP to ask if the plane was cancelled.  “No sir.”  Ten minutes later, after my wife dropped me off and headed back home, standing at the Air China counter, the woman confirmed that all flights out of Beijing had been cancelled.  Lovely. 



I tried my wife to ask her to loop back, but she didn’t have her phone with her.  The change ticket lines looked like the queue for bank runs in Shanghai in the Thirties.  I went downstairs to the cab queue. Interminable, or more accurately forty-five minutes or so, of standing, fending off people who thought they might like to slowly nudge past me, texting everyone I had planned to see in Shanghai about by delay, canceling hotels, booking a new flight, I nearly got the head of the queue when a fight broke out at the head of the line.  Who knows what transpired but the cabbie and a woman were standing in the pouring rain yelling.  He called her a “stupid cunt.”  Not to be outdone, the woman called the gentleman a “stupid cunt”, as well.  This thoughtful exchange continued with each escalating the same assertion till the handy staff came and broke it up and, having 狗血淋头[1],the woman presumably got a different cab and the driver found a less dim genitalia to drive in to town. 

Altercations though make one wary.  Cab drivers at the airport who wait 2-3 hours for a thirteen dollar fare in to town don’t like it when you tell them you’re heading to the New Convention Center, the most obvious landmark, near where I live.  That would be a five-dollar fare.  In fact, by the time you get to my house, it's an eight-dollar fare, but that takes some explaining.  Technically, for a nearby fare like that they can get a ticket that lets them cut the line back in.  So, rather than discuss this before getting in, you plop your luggage in the back sit down and then have the destination discussion.  I was expecting the worst when I finally mounted my appointed cab. 

Sure enough, a grizzled guy who probably wasn’t much older than me, barked at me with a Beijing brogue, inquiring where it was we were off to.  “New Convention Center” I said, being sure exaggerate the third tone for the dip in the final syllable.  Now he upped the ante and barked, “where!?”  Accordingly I barked back, with even greater ferocity, “The New Convention Center, if you’re not familiar just go, I’ll tell you how to get there.  Just go.”   Having established a gentlemanly rapport of mutual annoyance, we headed out into the pouring rain, splashing through rivers formed in the streets with their poorly designed, poorly maintained drainage.  

This morning I sought to have a cab ready at 5:00AM to head back out to the airport.  Up early, it was still raining and this did not bode well for flying out this morning.  By 5:20AM I caved and asked my wife to drive me out, again, and just as were preparing to go, we got a call that a cab was available after all.  My years-old routine has, over the summer I believe, been disrupted by the Uber phenomenon.  Everyone has an app to call a cab now.  In Beijing there are a plethora of me-too local companies like Di-Di Da Che.  None of them appear to have their apps easily accessible on the iTunes store.  I’ll have to devote some time to cracking this and secure the app, or I’ll increasingly be left frustrated and cab-less. 

This morning’s guy, doesn’t care that it’s only an eight dollar fare, as he has not waited hours building out some twelve-dollar fantasy.  He was hopelessly lost in my neighborhood and bewildered by the back road approach necessary to reach Terminal Two from my neighborhood, but whatever.  I still tipped him, and walked the underpass to the arrival section of the terminal, in search of the China Eastern Airlines check in.  Finding it and a long line I tried my luck in the business class line, which must have looked nice and clean when it first opened.  I have no frequent flyer privileges with China Eastern, the young lady, who already looked exhausted at 6:00AM, didn’t seem to mind and slapped a ‘first class’ tag on my bag.

Then the nostalgia began in earnest.  I remember when this airport opened and it seemed modern.  It was modern compared to the worn down revolutionary airport the city put up with until the mid-nineties, “Terminal One”.  It is still there, and perhaps it too has had a makeover.  I don’t know of any airlines that actually fly there.  But Terminal Two, which now looks like most of the Tier Three Chinese city airports across the country, is full of memories, of arriving, meeting friends, seeing people off, in that lost, innocent China that isn’t around any more. 



Frank Wess isn’t a name I can place, but he’s joined me this morning since the cab ride out.  I’ve got him on a disc playing with Thad Jones, Elvin and Hank’s younger brother. He is always a fine trumpet to sample.  Frank Wess must be the man on the tenor sax on this mix and it is a confident, late fifties swing, their swinging, here on this nicely titled tune “Subtle Rebuttal” that is just about right for this flight down the coast of eastern China.  We’ll be landing soon and they’ll be telling me to flip this laptop down.  Later when I get to my hotel and am back on line, I’ll learn a bit more about FW and this session.  And it turns out that tenor sax and flute were the man’s instruments.  Born in Kansas City, Missouri in 1922, he came up in Billy Eckstein’s orchestra and has played with just about everyone, before his death just last year at the age of 91. 



  



[1] gǒuxuèlíntóu: lit. to pour dogs blood on / to curse or berate sb (idiom)

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