I
needed the Mrs. to get me a ticket back up home and I could surmise from price
on the receipt that it must have been a first class ticket. That was sporting of her. It’s not wildly more lucre for the
two-hour flight concerned and it certainly is more civilized. A window seat? Sure, why not. I won't be four knees away from the toilet. Most importantly I can plug in. Huge, this. I had a charger crisis last night,
which I only resolved shortly before my dash out to the airport. I didn’t even think to ask if charging
is a possibility. Mid flight, mid
China Daily, it struck me to raise the question with the Air China
stewardess. “Sure. It’s right there.” And, indeed, right beside my knee
are two outlets. This is an
enormous convenience.
Bayard Lancaster shares a last name with John of Gaunt and
my stepdad. A Philadelphia
flautist and saxophonist born in 1942 I have his provocatively titled, 1968
album, “It’s Not Up to Us” sounding out here now at twenty-thousand feet. On the cover, he’s looking down from a
flight of stairs that he is mid-way up the ascent of.
His face is obscured.
I’ve probably heard him before as he plays with Sun Ra, and McCoy
Tyner during years I am familiar with. The title song sounds
reassuring and that’s the way I feel, with unlimited electricity at my
disposal, the little red battery light in my iPhone has now turned to green. Mr. Lancaster died the year before last
at the age of 72, in a hospice in Wyndmoor, Pennsylvania.
On the screen the first class in-flight entertainment experience is,
predictably, no better than what plebs like me, usually endure back in the
holding pen. I can cut off the sound but not the ubiquitous screen views. A middle aged Chinese gent in a white collared short-sleeved shirt
is leading people through the forest.
Next thing you know, he has a plucked a round green gourd. Cut to a scene of him impaling it. What’s going on? I am curious. Of course, it is the traditional dance
of a national minority tribe. Now
dozens of pre pubescent, seemingly national minority-esque young girls are
dancing about on stage with uniform green gourds all stuck on ticks. Who decided this is entertainment?
Now it is time for aspriational ads. Wow, that car is potent. Look how it turns and stops just the
way the driver wants. I believe it
comes with the girl in the passenger seat, who is very excited to be there. And now its time for a lengthy segment,
shot close up, capturing a bulldog, on a skateboard. This is just
remarkable. I’m fascinated, as
he’s gotten off, and then, seemingly of his own free will, the bulldog is back
on the skateboard again.
Pity that we can’t hear the discussion, the passion and the fatigue,
in the Air China in-flight-entertainment cutting floor. Who is the man, I can only imagine it
is a “man” who says: “Yes, we want
to have that clip of the chimpanzee pushing a button to receive a peanut. That is what the modern Chinese
traveler needs to unwind. I hereby
decree this is the appropriate level of humor for the modern Chinese
traveler. When contemporary
Chinese people take to the skies, on the nation’s flagship carrier, they will,
on average, chuckle merrily if they can watch foreigners being tricked by
predictable gags where people hide inside of mail boxes and throw the letters
back out after they are deposited.
But wait, it’s only a three-minute clip and now it is time
for another ad. Yes-siree. The wealthy China man has tipped a boy
hawking newspapers and is now in control of a vast business, making decisions
for many people. That’s why he is
wearing this particular watch. How
many ads do you need, how many do you think you can get away with, broadcasting
on what should be your in-flight “entertainment”? Does anyone complain? How long before the great Chinese nation asserts
itself that ads are annoying and an ad free environment is a mark of
distinction? How long before
people demand that this nonsense be taken from their eyes, in a setting where
they have already paid for the so-called “entertainment?”
At least the great Chinese nation is rising up around the
distortion of history. My China
Daily informs me in their section “From The Chinese Press” that “TV series on
“China’s War of Resistance Against Japanese Aggression (1937-45) that have
flooded television channels are being criticized for their absurdity.” This is fabulous to hear. Apparently the shows, which I’ve
complained of before, for their hate mongering, are easy to air as they always
get a thumbs-up from censors and hence, provide a crowded field in which ever
younger, sexier Chinese girls defeat ever larger squadrons of evil Japanese
singlehandedly. The article also mentioned a brave Whitey-Ford-like Chinese
solider who is seen to take out a Japanese plane with a grenade into the
air. Articles explaining ordinary
people’s frustration about advertisements, or in-flight entertainment can’t be
far off. A self deprecating China’s War of Resistance Against Japanese Aggression (1937-45) spoof however, may take time.
I ordered the chicken.
I was offered chicken or pork, the options seemingly no different from
the folks in economy. But this
chicken was served with sea slugs, which hadn’t been pitched to me, during the
initial inquiry. I considered the
curled up rolls of sea slugs. I
considered the cabbage and the chicken and dove in to those bits. I avoided the slugs. I could imagine what
they tasted like and I figured that Air China’s effort with the slugs would
only be so remarkable. If you’re
going to have sea slugs, you presumably want them from some restaurant that
specializes in things like deep-sea mollusks and where, minutes before they
were sucking the wall of some aerated aquarium. Right?
The pieces of fruit were fresh.
Now the clouds are rising toward me as we descend. Within twenty-five minutes or so I’ll
be beneath them, on the ground in Beijing, considering where it is the sun has
slumped off to. I am heading
straight out to the Starbucks in the arrival hall for as with the slugs, I
avoided the Air China first class coffee.
It wasn’t 酒池肉林[1], but at least no one reclined his or
her seat back into my face. At
least my computer is now at 52% charged.
I’ve some things accomplished on this flight and I must thank my wife,
for this kindness.
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