Please Sir, After You

Why do we rage when we drive?  It’s a dumb thing to do.  We’re in our own world.  Everyone else is a steel box without a face, without any warmth.  Each car has power and could hurt us.  We know there are people inside.  But we regard them as adversarial.

Returning from the gym today, I was listening to lovely music.  Hendrix’ “Isabella”, from a live Band of Gypsies collection filled the air.  Windows down.  Sunny day.  Certainly, in my own world.  Certainly, happy.   At the corner of Anhua Lu and Tianbei Lu I came upon an old man in a three-wheeled cart on the side.  I needed to turn.  He wasn’t turning.  I had to slow down and could not overtake him with the traffic in front.  The car ahead moved.  Now I had my chance to barrel past him.  By Chinese driving norms I’d have been well within my rights to do so. 

I caught site of his grizzled old face and gestured for him to go forward.  My small gesture of civility to my neighborhood community.  Please sir, after you.  He took this in and began to speed up his vehicle to cross the path in front of me.  And at that moment a large brown SUV behind me suddenly honked. 

The SUV slowed, turned and was considering pulling around me from behind.  You’d think someone insulted my mother.  You’d think someone had spat on me.  I yanked the headphone out of my ear and twisted my head and pursed my lips as if I were Flavor Flav, and stared at this guy, he was a guy, inviting him to do something.  He stared back.  He progressed.  I progressed.  He sped on.  I didn’t try to keep pace.  It was over in a millisecond.  I considered extending a central digit his way up at the light ahead, but wisely decided it was pointless.

I think my guard was down because, in my mind I was doing something uncommonly nice to the old guy on the cart.  I wasn’t acting as if I were more important than he was, just because my vehicle had more horse power.  And this very same gesture was seen to the person behind me as the mark of a simpleton.  Why the hell did you do that?  Are you lost?  Are you having car trouble?  Are you making friends?  And to be fair, the proper way to ask any of those questions is to beep.  “I’m here.  Take note of me.  You’re confusing me with your driving.”  But in that millisecond, it felt as though someone were belittling my gesture of civility.  And, alas, as though it was I who had a lesson to teach this other person and indeed, everyone. 

Sunday 4/15/18