From Bad Coleslaw

My wife was running an English language session for her group members.  The theme for the past few sessions has been around lunches.  She zeroed-in on picnics and I told her if she wanted to do potato salad, she might as well do coleslaw.  What’s coleslaw?  

I have a complicated history with the salad, which my wife’s research suggests is of Dutch origin.  The recipe she introduced to her crew of Chinese moms uses vinaigrette.  The traditional coleslaw, the one that I have twice contracted food poisoning from, is made with mayonnaise.  And when mayonnaise goes bad the body let’s you know.   Once in Jacmel Haiti, and once in Middletown Connecticut I got very, very sick from bad coleslaw. 

Accordingly, I approach the salad with caution.  And, clearly this would not be the best anecdote to share with the English language class.  “I couldn’t stop vomiting, so I had an injection at the local clinic which . . . “ Regurgitation is bad form so I turned instead to the Chairman.  The English translation of Mao’s popular revolutionary quip:  “革命不是请客人吃饭“ I told the group, is popularly known in English as, “Revolution isn’t a picnic.”  This was met with silence and crickets in the distance.

“Do you have any songs about coleslaw?” My wife asked, innocently.   No!  I answered immediately.  There are no songs about coleslaw.  But then, I considered.  Something bubbled up.  I haven’t heard “Just Cabbage” for many, many years.  Kraut, were one of the classic New York hardcore bands during the golden period of the early eighties.  Might that do as a song to share with the listeners?  I pulled it up on Youtube and reacquainting myself, I quickly discerned that it would absolutely not work.  “They try to call us fascist, commie, capitalist, but we ain’t nothing but a bunch of fucking cabbage.”  I was into my third sentence of explanation, when my wife confirmed we wouldn’t be introducing Kraut this evening. 

Kraut:  I’ll need to look up the guitarists’ name.  He has a Jonnie Thunders style and a thick as concrete Brooklyn accent.  What was his name? (How could I forget?   “Doug Holland.”)  Like Johnny Thunders (Johnny Genzale) you should have stuck with your given name, man: Doug Lozito” Beautiful) I hadn’t realized he went on to play with the Cro Mags, or that he was tending bar at A7 in the days we were ending nights there.  It might have been him who woke me one night in 1982 to say they were closing.   "What's a matter, ya' scared?"  Great line.  Go grab a bag of Bontons instead of the slaw. 

Sunday, 4/9/17