Sunday, August 13, 2017

Revenge Currency




The other day, my sister wanted ice at her party.  Certainly.  She wanted it on time.  Right.  We were late.  “We’re en route.”  The ice we carried was imperative to cool off the bevs for the hot picnic day.  She called once.  She called twice.  The third time we were almost there.  My stepdad was become increasingly agitated about all this.  I told him to blame it all on me.  She would anyway.  I’ll take the ice hit.  We arrived, as suspected, long before any other guests touched down.  I helped myself to a cold beer out of the refrigerator. 



Today I told myself I didn’t care.  But as I washed the dishes and considered the time, I began to rehearse my lines.  As of three minutes ago she was officially late!  I could legitimately begin to revel in vexation.  I tried to do the dishes.  We still didn’t have enough glasses to drink from.  And with each minute that passed the tension increased. The valuation of my revenge currency kept rising with every moment.  Think of the drama.  “I’ve been paralyzed until your arrival.”  Their car arrived, proceeding down the driveway a few minutes later.

I made pizza.  I can easily secure pizza dough in the US.  I like to make pizza.  I enjoy making calzones.  But the crust always gets stretched out thin and thinner.  And then you pile toppings on the pizza and the crust below is too thin to hold it.  It’s never strong enough to support the slices heaped with toppings or the round dough bomb you’ve filled beyond reason.




Once when I was seventeen I visited a friend’s house in Amherst Mass.  His mom was from Tuscany.  She had a thick, bubbly, irresistible accent.  I was so dazzled by the calzones she made: big, chewy, and stuffed with ricotta and sausage.  The outside browned, just right.  The bottom never collapsed when you picked them up, the way mine do.  Up until then I’d only ever had calzones in from a pizzeria.  I think I’ve been trying to make her calzones ever since. 


How lovely to host my family for a change.  Everyone has a cold drink. 



Sunday, 07/23/17


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